this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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