Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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