Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
