who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
