Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
