do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
