the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
