I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
