you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
When are your genitals available?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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