I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
