Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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