WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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