Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
