May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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