So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
