I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
