I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
