I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
