I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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