Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
