haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize