Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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