If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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