so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
