If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
