I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
