too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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