just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
