Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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