I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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