He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
