32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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