when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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