I wish I only lived at night.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
