Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
