Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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