My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize