Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
