Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
