I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
