We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
