maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
