another moral hangover. fuck.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
