I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
