i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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