I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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