Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
