shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
