No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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