I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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