the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
