in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
