I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
