I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
