Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
