hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
