sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
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apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
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It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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