Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
