Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
