i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
