So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
